One by one my senses were being obliterated. Taste was the first to go, mouth gone so dry my tongue shriveled to uselessness. Smell followed suit in a similar fashion, aided by the chill air. Touch had failed recently, lactic acid build up turning from pain to numbness as I pushed muscles past their limits. Terribly, my hearing was normal, I listened between regular gusts of air to an off beat thump. I feared vision would be the next casualty.

      The light flickered. I stopped my ascent and smacked the headlight strapped to my skull. I had fresh batteries but I was terrified of changing them in the dark, too easy to fumble small pieces into the endless abyss. And so, when the headlamp steadied I lifted my dissociated arms and found purchase with ghost fingers. I looked down for footholds before planting my boot and taking one step up the rocky passage. Lift, grip, step, lift, grip, step. Over and over into the dark network of unmapped tunnels and caves.

      When I had first gotten turned around and separated from the group, I was sure it would be easy to find them again. One of the caving videos I'd watched earlier that week flashed through my head. This young man and his friend were avid cavers and uploaded constantly. That particular video had proceeded normally until the POV cameraman went to explore a passage on his own. The cave system looked eerily like the one I was in now. Identical passages weaved together at all angles to confuse any effort to remember the way you came. In the video, our cameraman realizes that he's gone off the map. When he tries to double back, he can't find the one hole that let him in. He stays (relatively) calm and joins back with his friends 20 minutes later.

      But it's been 20 minutes. It's been 4 hours if I'm reading my scuffed watch correctly. At this point, I'm not looking for my group, I'm looking for fresh air. For a breeze or running water. Anything besides this endless spiderweb of tunnels delicately etched beneath millions of tons of rock. I was glad my body had gone numb, it was the only way I could push forward. Every scratch and bruise made it obvious how unwelcome I was. But now I could move like a machine. A machine nevertheless dizzy from adrenaline and dehydration.

      The light flickered. Off then on and I swear it was dimmer than before. I leaned back, wedging myself between the walls of the passage, and shook and smacked the headlamp to brighten it. It flickered again and I hissed a swear, afraid any louder an outburst would cause a collapse. I didn't have an option, I had to change the batteries now, while I could find them visually. Shivering with cold or exhaustion, I carefully adjusted my feet into crevices where they wouldn't slip. Then I dropped my weight down until I was half crouched supported by the rough rock at my back. I spread my backpack across my sloped lap and got to work.

      The lamp came off my forehead, leaving an irritated patch of skin where it had sat for hours. I used the meager light to peer into the back pocket of the bag where I kept my water bladder (now empty) and small tools. The AAA batteries floated loose at the very bottom, exactly the two that I needed. I gripped them tight in one fist while leaving my thumb and pointer finger free to work. With the small amount of reflected light bouncing around me, I managed to find the back plate of the lamp and push it open. It came away entirely and I placed the small plastic piece between my teeth, tongue pressing to the edge that came behind them to check it was still there. I dreaded the next step. Trying not to think of what would happen if I fucked up now, I pinched the ribbon beneath the batteries with my already burdened hand. I didn't bother to shut off the light. I pulled and heard the springs release the old batteries so they were free to roll out onto the backpack then clatter onto the rock below.

      There was a useless amount of light coming from the crystal display of my watch but it was otherwise pitch black. The Stygian darkness usually sent my heart racing with excitement. It was an awesome experience to stare with eyes wide into a void so complete I would begin to hallucinate. My brain defaulted to filling in the blanks with absolutely zero input. Often, I would see a dim and shifting tunnel ahead of me. Sometimes a foot would materialize just in time to slip out of sight around a corner. I would do anything for that not to happen now. I focused all my energy on seeing the open battery compartment in the opaque black.

      Every move deliberate, I felt along the inside of the compartment until I was sure which way the batteries went. I palmed the two AAAs as I slotted them into place, creating a shallow cage with my fingers to catch them if they slipped. With a snap, the batteries seated themselves. I pressed the button to turn it on and... Nothing. I shut my eyes to calm myself and kept them shut as I pulled on the release ribbon again. I cupped my hand over the batteries and pulled slowly until the springs creaked. One AAA came out with a quiet pop and I felt it bump my fingers. I kept pulling and the second came free. Releasing a held breath, I used two hands to scoop up the batteries. Tips of fingers bumped knuckles in the dark and the hand to the plastic and nylon shifted. Cold metal slipped between my fingers, hit rock, and then disappeared.

      Frozen with horror, I listened to the last of my hope clatter down and down and down. Eventually the sound stopped and the usual woosh thump returned. I mechanically shoved the remaining battery, the headlamp, and tooth dented backplate into my backpack. The bag returned to my shoulders. My thoughts spun themselves dry as I crouched in place. Meghan had my backup flashlight and flare and glow sticks. The detour I'd made was only supposed to last a half hour at most and I had wanted to keep my bag small to get through the squeeze we'd found. I was also without my fleece, my extra water, my dry socks, my satellite phone. The only useful thing I'd kept was my sturdy camping knife. I thought about its weight in my bag and how easily the sharp blade would open an artery.

      Finally, I did what I should have done hours ago. I resolved to stay in one spot until rescue came. Nevermind the alternative. The only problem was that my current positioning was precarious at best, crouched over a jagged hole in the earth that ran straight for tens of feet. There was no way to rest where I was. If I straightened my body I would fall, if I bent my body in half I would get stuck like a cork with no way out. I had passed a level tunnel on the way up but going down was out of the question. Trying to remember, I closed my eyes to picture what the way above had looked like. To my right there was a sloping passage five feet up. Just above my head and to the left I remembered a shadow where a tunnel could be. It was the safest bet, if not a deeper passage, at least a sturdy foothold.

      I opened my eyes and felt them immediately go hot when the lack of sight remained. Every movement glacially slow, I raised myself back to standing and braced my feet where they were so I could lift both hands and search. Arms stretched as far as they could reach, I felt with my fingers for the aberration in the rock wall that I remembered. When my initial search failed, I pushed up onto my toes and felt again. Jagged stone passed under my hands as I reached up and up then slowly to the left and the right, moving an inch at a time. And there it was.

      Desperate to be done with this blind climb, I immediately felt for hand holds as high up as I could. If I pushed my trembling muscles one more time I could rest. Deep breath. My eyes darted down instinctually as I lifted a foot but this step would have to be purely by feel. I scraped my boot toe down the rock but my numb foot couldn't register the shape until it hit the spot I'd previously stood. I continued the scraping method, running my boot up and down the tunnel wall in hopes the proud spots would catch. After a handful of attempts, I was able to find a sturdy foothold and ground my boot against the rock to test the friction. Gripping as tight as I could with my hands, I lifted the lower foot and began to search for another place to step. Scrape, scrape, scrape. There was another spot awkwardly to the side. Steadied on one foot, I stretched and planted the other boot.

      Thankfully, the passage I was in was slightly sloped so with my feet planted, I could lean forward into the rock. This gave me the smallest amount of security that made it easier to remove a hand and lift it into the dip in the wall. I found a grip and moved the other hand. Once more, scrape and plant, scrape and plant. Now when I lifted my hands to find purchase within the cavity I could feel it continue past the length of my forearm. What little hope I could muster I put toward a safe place to lay. I found a crevice to shove a hand in and anchor it. The other found a secure grip around a protuberant in the passage wall. Now I pulled, scraping my feet up the rock as they came off their secure spots and found black, frictionless air.

      I pulled and pulled my body deeper into the horizontal tunnel, eventually able to use my feet on the opposite vertical wall and push myself. I moved slower as I got further into the tube, feeling for a dropoff or painful rock on the ground. Belly down, I shuffled further and further until my toes touched ground. But then my hands were over air and vertigo at the thought of a massive drop sent them to the sides of the passage where I steadied myself. The tunnel had to be no more than seven feet long. Just enough room to lay flat. Or relatively so. As I froze in place, I came to the realization that the ground was humped in the middle. Blood created pressure in my head and my soles as gravity pulled it away from my torso. If they got any heavier, it felt like my back would snap and I'd slowly be drawn out either tunnel outlet.

      Meghan, Amir, and Vince would have already sent help. I wouldn't have to wait too long, I knew I wouldn't. Surely during the last four hours I'd just been chasing my tail through identical tunnels, always missing the off-ramp. The cave system beyond that fateful squeeze had looked so contained on the map. AT MOST I'd wait a day. People were rescued from caves all the time. A stupid mistake and a good story was all this would amount to. I could survive a day of discomfort and dehydration, two if the situation was dire. Just stay in place.

      Keeping a tight hold of one of my backpack straps, I removed it and rolled over. I groaned as the shape of the ground stretched my back and pulled the bag onto my chest. With the passage this tight, I was confined to death rolls and inch-worming. Gingerly, I opened the sections of my bag and felt around for anything useful. I'd done a good job clearing it out. The only thing remotely helpful in the current situation was a baseball cap. I donned it to provide a semblance of protection for my head before closing the bag once more.

      Weighing my options, I resolved to lay on my stomach. It was the only part of my body with any amount of fat and the rocks would dig into it a little less painfully than my spine or hips. I rolled back and shuffled to find the least uncomfortable spot. My bag turned into an unstuffed pillow, providing just enough lift so that blood wouldn't pool around my brain. Finally settled, the woosh woosh thump returned to fill the air.

      Woosh thump woosh woosh thump. Like wind, the rush of cars, running water, a house settling. I held my breath to listen and determine the source. Thump thump thump thump in time with my heartbeat against rock. It was my own body this entire time. I breathed. Woosh woosh thump thump. The fire of my hope shuddered at the realization. At the understanding I was so utterly disconnected from the world of light that my own body could fill the air with its sounds. Woosh thump woosh thump and I closed my eyes.

      Something changed. My eyes blinked open and I looked around at nothing. I held my breath and listened. Thump thump thump thump thump. Then a quiet noise interrupted. Too quiet to determine what it was but my lungs were screaming. I allowed myself shallow breaths as I turned my head to listen with both ears. Now that I was aware of my own cacophony, I could tune out my heart and lungs and concentrate. There it was again, the sound of movement. I waited just to be sure. It was real, something moving in the same cave system. Rescue.

      "Hey," I ventured a quiet squeaking voice. Then I listened again and the movement continued.

      "Hey!" I repeated, louder, bravely, "Help, I'm here!"

      Now I distinctly heard the scraping, shuffling of someone climbing. I would guide them with my voice. "I don't have a light," I explained loudly to the void, "I'm in a side passage laying down. I'm not hurt, just thirsty and tired!" I was so relieved at being found I almost laughed. "Hope you guys brought me coffee," I mused, "I could use it."

      The sound was getting closer. "Hello?" I asked. Why wasn't the rescuer responding to me?

      I went silent and, quietly as I could, manipulated my backpack until I found my knife. I returned the bag to my shoulders. Trying not to make a sound, I unsheathed the knife and tucked the holder into a pant's pocket. The thought of undoing the velcro to attach it to a belt loop sent a shiver up my arms. Poised to defend myself, I listened hard.

      My heart was pounding in my chest but I could barely hear it over the sound from below. The longer it continued, the less I pictured a human approaching. I had strayed so far from my own world I had ended up in a new one and I was woefully unprepared. Whatever was down here with me was perfectly adapted for the dark and dangerous. I tried to picture myself fighting back, preparing for the worst, but it was impossible. I could only imagine flailing at nothing and hurting myself in the process. Unless the thing was touching me I was out of luck. I couldn't not imagine it, a thin hand reaching up from below to grab my ankle and drag me away.

      Tension coiled every muscle in my body. In the confines of the belly crawl, I clutched my knife in front ready to stab downward. Behind, I poised a foot to kick. Recycled adrenaline coursed through my brain as I tried to will my eyes to pull detail out of the black. It only resulted in pulsing static filling my vision, worse than nothing. Now I knew I was primed to hallucinate. I could already distinguish pinpoint eye lights in the unknown cave beyond, a scout of the creature that was sounding closer every second. Despite all my instincts, I shut my eyes to stop unwanted visions and listened and felt for vibrations.

      It sounded like dog claws, hard, organic material clicked and scraped against rock. I thought about how strong its grip must be to climb so easily. It was hard to breathe. My lungs had jumped into my throat and had no room to expand. The ground swayed beneath me as I choked for air. My breathing and heartbeat synced to for a handful of beats and in the silences rose an alien sound. A vocalization, high pitched and clicking. The knife in my weakening hand felt as useful as a toothpick.

      My hand was warm. It was clamped in something soft and body temperature. I lifted my head, nose aching, and pulled back only to find my hand stuck. My watch was partially trapped and the movement pressed a button that woke the display. The dim light revealed strong, slender fingers gripping my own. I stared until the watch went out and my eyes drifted up to where fingers led to a hand to an arm to a shoulder to a body to a neck and a head with sightless eyes pointed in my direction.

      Every nerve was on end. My lungs had migrated again to my throat but I refused to pass out. I took deep, mechanical breaths to avoid hyperventilating. If I had my knife I would not be so close to a panic attack but it had slipped out of reach. Or it had been purposefully removed. The hand wrapped around my own yanked and I screamed. I felt myself flung out of the passage and into open air. Then I landed, heart pounding, and I hadn't moved. Over my own heart, I heard the quiet trickle of gravel shaken loose and resolved to stay quiet despite my terror.

      The creature pulled harder but I refused to move. With an annoyed whir, the hand gripping mine let go. The soft hair on my arms and face moved in the wind as the unknown being retreated. I listened to its nails on rock as it moved up or down into the spongework. Sound echoed unpredictably so I couldn't tell the direction. And in no time, it was hard to tell distance too.

      The creature continued until the sound was barely there. Then it returned, sounding quick and aggressive. Listening and imagining where it was relative to me, I crawled forward and felt around for the knife I'd dropped when I passed out. But all I managed to do was dislodge some pebbles and scratch my palms. Click click. I stopped my search, arms rigid and frozen in front of me. The thing had returned on the other side of the passage.

      "Don't touch me," I breathed, all I could do to control my fear. "Don't, don't..."

      I felt a pressure on the bottom of my boot. "Don't touch," I barely stopped from screaming.

      I kicked the presence away then swung and pedalled my legs to keep it at a distance. "No, no, no, no," it was all I could do to keep breathing.

      My heel contacted flesh instead of stone and was stopped. I could feel the thing's fingers through the thick sides of my boot. I kicked at my restrained foot but only managed to bruise the ankle of one and the toes of the other. And just as quickly as I lashed out, I was stopped. I tried to resist by twisting my legs and my body but it was useless. The creature easily controlled their grip and began to push.

      "Please," I whimpered, scrabbling at the tunnel for purchase, "pleasepleasepleaseplease."

      Helplessness transformed my protestations to begging. My hands could do nothing to stop the inexorable force behind me and my body slid rough against the rock floor. I bit the tip of my tongue to keep myself silent, the thought of dying trapped by the weight of the mountain was worse. I managed to find a lip of rock to trap my nails under but I was still moving toward a fatal fall. I felt my fingernails bend and then begin to tear away. My teeth came together hard to silence myself and I felt blood in my mouth and under my hands. The smell as it wetted the rock was almost pleasant, heavy metal rain about to fall.

      I stopped moving. Relief almost loosened my chest when I felt the thing behind me keep moving forward. It had released my feet to clutch my calves then thighs, climbing up my body. Its skull made contact with my backside and I could feel the roundness of its head. Then I felt its small frame and thought about cats' ribs. Pliable, easily compressed, easily broken. And then its legs were passing the top of my head and its nails were loud on the rock as it scrambled for purchase. I started to back up as the creature made a fuss at the tunnel's end.

      Despite how stupid it was, I could only think to climb to get away. I didn't think I could kill the thing with my bare hands. I backed up until my feet hit open air and turned over for better mobility. Sticking a foot over the abyss, I pressed my hands to the passage sides to anchor myself. As my boot contacted a protrusion in the opposite rock wall, the creature let out a shrill whine.

      "Don't," I moaned, "leave me alone."

      The thing didn't listen, how could it? I felt its presence as warm air just before it touched me. And then its body was pressed to mine, this time sliding by my hips and the wall, partially wedging itself beneath me. The whole time, I scrambled to find foot and hand holds, tearing the bruised skin of my fingers as I swung them in the dark. My boot briefly caught on the vertical passage and then I got my hands onto a lump in the wall. I pulled with all my effort and managed to move into the open chute.

      Beneath me, the creature was grasping for my legs and feet. It got a hold of my free swinging foot. I clung to the wall, muscles screaming in pain, in preparation to be dragged to the depths. The creature whirred and pushed up. Frozen with fear, I could only wait to see what it would do next. It raised my foot until I felt my boot toe graze a protruding rock. My foot settled securely onto the small ledge and I was able to lean into the wall, but wanting to rest my pounding heart.

      Dizziness trapped me in my head and convinced me that the wall would tip me off at any moment. I couldn't hear the creature over my own disorientation so when it touched my leg I yelped. It was pushing again, trying to guide me to step upward. I clacked my teeth, planning my defense. Breathing heavy and swaying, I allowed the creature to guide my steps. It was painfully slow going, I still had to find safe spots for my hands to grip, but we were moving. Even though my bloodied fingers kept slipping and the pressure on my feet made me want to kick, I climbed without rest.

      When we reached the first intersection, my guide squeezed beside me and moved my head and arms into the hole. Then it wormed past me and kept its hands on my arms as I crawled through. When we got to the end, it maneuvered itself against my back and supported my weight as I got my bearings. In this way we continued through the spongework. My mind fell into a trance as I got into the rhythm of the climb. Search, grab, search, grab, lift, place, lift, place. Breath breath breath breath.

      And all of a sudden, it stopped.

      I was on my belly in a side passage, waiting for my guide to show me the way. But it had moved away from me. I listened and there was silence. This was somehow worse than when the creature had first found me. I'd had hope, real hope of getting home. It didn't even give me a chance to retaliate.

      I let out a sob and banged my face into the ground. I could feel dirt and gravel stuck into my skin when I lifted my head. "Where did you go?!" I screamed into the dark. The silence that followed stretched across the miles and miles of rock above me.

      I sucked in a breath to scream again when there was a sound that paused me.

      I was quiet to listen for another sound before testing what I imagined I'd heard. "Hey!" I yelled.

      "Hello?" came the distant shout in response.

      My face spread into a grin so wide my lips cracked. "I'm alive!" I shouted to my fellow human.

      I had to be by the initial squeeze and that meant I could sit up straight for the first time in hours. I stretched my arms and my legs and groaned when they shook, it was painful in the best way. I kept broadcasting my location and soon a stranger was pulling me by the arms as I exited the damned cave system. He had a helmet light and a cross logo on his shirt. He supported me as I stood, me grinning ear to ear which I knew made me look like I was ready to snap at his face. As he led me away, he tried to ask me how I was but I wasn't listening to a word. At a turn, I pressed a hand to his face to still and silence him.

      "That fucking hole needs to be closed," I intoned seriously before letting out wild cackle.